Resistance is futile

How many times do we hear ourselves, and others, say things like, "I'm really going to change the way I do things at work." I was talking with someone the other day who was commenting on his iterative process of failure. It seemed that no matter what plan he put into place, he found himself doing the same unproductive things with his time. As we talked about it, he made a funny face and, using a voice that simulated an alien from a sci fi movie, said, "Get used to being a dolt. Stop trying to change. Resistance is futile."

He thought back (not too far back) on things that he had tried to change and said, "If I approach things from the perspective of resisting the temptation to fall into the old habit, I usually fail. There might be a brief period of success, but failure is tenacious. It has all the time in the world to wait for me to get tired of resisting, or to forget about it. Either way, I eventually lose. Resistance is futile."

I asked him if he ever succeeded. He said that he has won at times; and that the recipe is always simple. Getting the ingredients together, however, is the more difficult part. Actually, there is only one ingredient - commitment. Some might argue that one makes a 'commitment' to resist during those brief periods of success. But that is not what I mean by commitment. I am not talking about committing to change. I am talking about committing to a different way of being. In that new way of being, there is nothing to resist. The option of engaging the old ways does not exist in the same way. When the commitment is clear, the insufficiencies of the old ways seem so glaring that there is no longer any temptation.

If, on the other hand, the commitment is to resist the temptation of the old ways, when one succeeds in resisting, one is left with more of the same. Each successful resistance leads to the opportunity to resist the next time. What kind of life is that where the focus is on resistance? This perspective focuses on "the problem" and our resistance to it. That way of thinking, however, has the potential for creating a problem-focused way of living. We are always moving away from something.

Taking an appreciative approach to life puts our desired future as something we are moving toward. It is based on our past successes, so we can be encouraged that it is possible. The focus of our past success is not just any old success, but one that rated as a big one - a peak experience.

There are a number of books written on this process called "appreciative inquiry." It grew out of the work of David Cooperrider at Case Western Reserve University and has influenced a wide range of professional areas like organizational change, coaching, and personal development. One of the books I found helpful for guiding personal growth is Appreciative Coaching.

If you want to go right to the source, get Cooperrider's book. Either one will help you see things differently so that your commitments to change might be more easily made and maintained.

I'm almost ready...

I can't even begin to count the times I have said, "I'm almost ready to..." I was really almost ready after reading Neil Fiore's book on procrastination called The Now Habit. For me, however, almost ready has become a steady state. It is my homeostasis. I am delicately balanced between doing something and doing nothing. I keep my life teetering in a space where not much is happening BUT it could at any moment IF I could just take the important step.

I don't have any problem at all coming up with the big ideas. In fact, I am plagued by them. I don't have much problem taking off with them as I dig into their potential. I wander around thinking and writing about them. I collect information and consider the "what ifs" that might occur if I put them into action. I do all this stuff...for a loooooooooong time.

I have been frustrated by this most of my life. One would think that eventually I would catch on. But, as the crazy Saturday Night Live comedian, John Belushi, used to say, "But, noooOOOOOOooooooo," I haven't. I have periods of time when I think I have a handle on things, and then it's gone. Here is the cascade as it has unfolded so far: Seven or 8 years ago I realized that I have often been frustrated by being unprepared for projects or presentations. There were very few times when I failed to spend a lot of time getting ready. But when game time rolled around, I was ill-prepared. What frustration!

I remember a time when I was getting ready to run a 12-hour seminar. My friend asked me if I was ready. I told him that I was - that I had over 400 slides prepared. He looked at me with that look that people use when they are questioning your sanity; and asked if I had considered how many slides I would have to show per minute in order to get through them all in 12 hours. I hadn't thought of that. (It was just over 1.5 slides per minute - for 12 hours!) I had accumulated a lot of material but hadn't really thought about the execution. Needless to say, I pared the slides down considerably.

Sometime later, I had an insight that my failure to prepare came as a result of my lack of focus. I was not concentrating my efforts on the topic effectively. Instead, I was putting all kinds of interesting stuff into the mix that was not really necessary. I needed to hone my attention down to something manageable. I was excited to come to that realization. But it didn't change as much of my behavior as I had hoped. I had developed procrastination in order to avoid the feeling of overwhelm that came with seeing a project with no focus. Nearly everything seemed relevant.

Time moved on...I began to ask myself why I was not yet effective now that I knew that focus is important. The next layer was revealed: I needed clarity on my goal. Focus required a focal point. As an intuitive person, I generally fail to recognize that my big idea needs a nucleus. There is a nucleus, of course, I just don't see it. So, now I had awareness that clarity was critical. I had experience with being clear on my objective. I would jump in and work like crazy fueled by my accomplishment as I moved toward a well-defined goal.

More time...Clarity wasn't coming. I had awareness of it and desire for it, but it eluded me. I kept wondering about how I would peel back this layer. Certain areas in my life were more active. There was energy and I was once again writing and thinking, and I was taking small action steps. I continued to feel that the next level in my life was just beyond a thin veil right in front of me.

Where was the clarity?...As I pondered how I would see things in a better light, the question emerged, "clarity about what?" I realized that I was not really committed to many things. I began to wonder how I could be clear about anything when I did not make a commitment to its importance in my life. I didn't need to marry the issue, but I did need to recognize that I had to decide that it was important enough to devote time to it as I put other things on the back burner, or off the stove entirely. But, that still didn't make much difference. I needed to find a reason to make a commitment.

Now what?...I realized that value was important to commitment, but I didn't have a way to energize my values. I needed passion. I had done a lot of personal reflection. I had used any number of exercises recommended by books and articles in addition to processes that I dreamed up. I knew the things that seemed important to me, but they seemed like these free-floating entities in my life. They were somehow influencing my life, but I couldn't get a handle on just how. Then came the next layer.

Passion was peeled back to reveal that those things most important to me needed context in order to activate them in a way that would add real meaning to their expression. Without a story for my life, my passions were like having a really nice, new car with no place to go. I can only cruise around for so long before boredom sets in. I need some destinations - some errands to run, a friend who needs ride somewhere, someone to visit etc. Not many people are happy to be in a story where they are the main character who moves around aimlessly. We like having a plan, a goal, a mission, passion-driven purpose.

Context provided a way to layout my values inside a story that would excite me to make a commitment, That would help me get some clarity on my purpose, which would in turn allow me to focus on my plan and truly prepare for my future.

We shall see what happens before this layer is peeled back...