The Narcissist

I was at a conference last week. Out of the blue appeared this face from the past. At first I confused the face with one of an old friend. In a moment of confusion, I was glad to see this person. Then reality set in - It was a face from hell!

After the confusion dissipated, the person, whom we will call Bud, introduced himself as someone from my organization many years ago. All those years ago, he was at an entry level and everything he did was supervised closely. Bud didn't like that at all. He believed that his training prior joining our organization should have garnered him more privileges and respect. The reality was that most people thought that Bud was whacked.

During the time that Bud was with us, we audited the work of those at Bud's level very closely. No one was safe from file audits. Our intention was to insure that our clients' records met a high standard of completeness. File audits were a part of weekly business. There was no secret about it. We didn't single people out; we did random audits.

Back to the conference -

Bud is now in my face telling me about his experiences in my organizaton back when. His recollection was that our file audits were focused on him because we were monitoring his actions with his clients. He had become a legend in his own mind. To him, we were checking his files in order to monitor his "creative" activities with clients. I didn't have the heart to tell him that we didn't think he was special - just whacked.

Bud continued to tell me about the incompetence that surrounded him while he was with us. His self-imposed legendary status had reframed nearly everything such that he was the star at the heart of the story. Those of us in supervisory positions were antagonists, while his peers were intellectual wimps and idiots. He proposed that one of his supervisors had committed malpractice, implying that he had held the power of exposing this person. The reality was that the client was safe as long as Bud didn't do anything stupid.

The funniest story that Bud told me was that one of the most respected of his supervisors, Ernie, had secretly told Bud that he was too smart for the system and that he should just dumb-down a little bit while he passed through this level of the organization. Bud went on to say that Ernie had complimented him on being just just as smart as Ernie was, but that Bud needed to play the role of someone below Ernie in order to make the system work. Bud's eyes lit up as he told the story of being on top.

I was standing there in hell - with Bud. He ranted on and on. He later corralled another person at the conference and began the same set of stories. A friend, Emily, who was standing with them was incredulous at the conversation, but was more astounded at the woman who was with Bud. As Bud spoke, this woman began touching Emily's arm, occasionally clutching it, saying, "Listen to him! Listen to him." Emily said that it was like the woman was a cult member watching her guru; hanging on every word. Emily couldn't get over this woman's dedication to Bud's cause. It was all about Bud. All those years ago, it was all about Bud. Nothing had changed.

When I returned from the conference to related the story to Ernie. He almost died laughing as he told me his version of the story. It was all about Bud - and that he was whacked in his narcissistic world.

It can be frustrating to work with narcissistic people. They need to maintain a sense of superiority with those around them. They can be very friendly and complimentary as long as they perceive themselves at the top. If they start to slip out of the top position, they begin the process of denigrating those around them until they can reestablish themselves at the top again.